Some thoughts.

So....
I seem to have developed a bit of a love/hate relationship with blogging.

I love...and mean a lot...having a memoir, if you will. Having a physical journal to look back on. The idea of getting my years published and being able to look at them forever.
Having a place that my kids can see the funny things they said or did, and remember milestones....forever.

I also love, having an outlet.
Back in the day, I used to write. I used to write A LOT!
I have MANY journals from when I was young.
I was in every AP English class I could take.
I have notebook after notebook of poems that I created, or stories that I wrote.
Then I had kids.
Everything changed. It seemed as though I couldn't put two intellectual thoughts together anymore, let alone get it on paper for preservation purposes.
I quit writing. Almost completely.

Over time, I turned to scrapbooking...that became my outlet.
HOWEVER,
Over time, it also became too time consuming and exhausting, and it too, took a backseat to life.
As much as I want too, I still can't even figure out digital scrapbooking, so I was at a loss.

So, I came upon blogging because of a friend.
I love it!
I love the idea of it.
I love the reality of it.
I love to write. I love to contemplate. I love to compose thoughts into a working process.
Somedays, as a mom and a wife...I just feel so underappreciated, so undervalued...but doing this kind of makes me feel like I am contributing something into the adult world. It makes my mind "work", and forces me to have to churn the often, mumbles in my head into something a bit more pliable.

And again, I love having this "scrapbook".

However, a few months ago I started another blog. An outlet for my crafts, recipes and ideas which are the other half of the mess that is going on in my head.

Now starts the hate part.

It takes up so much time.
I don't even mean the physical time it takes...I think about it constantly.
Lately, I have been thinking that I really need to catch up on BOTH blogs...but then...I just don't.
It seems like I am not, on purpose. Like a rebelious teenager. It is daunting, and frustrating, and time consuming...so I just don't.

I kept thinking and saying, that come summer, with the lack of routine, I could catch up on everything in blogland.
I haven't.

I could give all of my excuses....
Sports and swim lessons.
My mom was in town, staying with us.
My sister and nephew were in town for two weeks staying with us.
We did a little "staycation".
We went camping.
My niece stayed with us.
etc...etc...

Yes, life has been trucking along around here....and instead of documenting any of it, with the MILLION pictures that I take...I have just watched the clock tick by, saying that I should.

I have seen a lot of talk about being present in the day and soaking every minute of the summer as the bonding time that it is meant to be. Spending days blissfully routineless, counting smiles instead of minutes....making memories instead of order. Taking in the saturation of innocent love that kids have to offer...Letting time be a part of lives instead of dictating our lives.
I agree.
Fully.
At this moment, now, today...My kids deserve to have me...in the present...doting on their every word.

I do however, get very sad...when I have done all of these super cute, and fun things with the kids, and our little trips, and my family's visits...and there is absolutely NO written memory of it. I want to preserve it because unfortunately...memories, that we think will always be as sharp as they are now, do fade...

I want to remember how I feel today...
Why things made me laugh...who the kids are...who I am...
I really don't know how I got so lucky, to get all that I have. I do the best that I can...I do the best that I know. And I sure have gotten smarter over the years! But in no way do I think I have it all together and figured out. Most days...I just try to put one foot in front of the other like everyone else. I know I am a good mom! I do my best to be a good wife. I just sometimes get caught in the feeling that I need to be more. I don't really know what that means....but it is how I sometimes feel.

So, for our family...I am going to be catching up. I will have to back pedal, but that is OK. I have to be OK with that. That is where I tend to end up where I am...I get too overwhelmed with all that needs to be done, so I end up doing NOTHING!
I am going to post about my sisters visit...and camping...and our "staycation"...and berry picking...and....
I will post currently, but in the post put the actual timeline.
I will try to do most all of this, at night, when my kids are in bed, so that I don't feel guilty.

I also have a lot to do on my other blog. I don't so much need to catch up as allow myself to move forward.
With missing so much time on that site, which I designed to get other people to read it...I kept feeling like I should go backward and fill in the dates...that is too overwhelming...
So, I will just move forward.

So there it is.
I am hoping for a love/love relationship again.

My goal is to order my first book in December for this year and last year....sooooooooooooo!!!!!!

Super duper sorry for the VERY wordy post!
Sweet hubby took the kiddos on a bike ride, and I am alone...and once I started...it just FLOODED!!!