A Little Indoor...

Look at this cute little Rainbow Ranger!

She is SUCH a GOOD soccer player. I am so excited to see how she grows and how she improves. She has so much skill for a little thing. :)

And she looks so cute as she flies down the court!

Our team is doing really well. They are learning a lot and have greatly improved.
Several of the kids have real talent, which is already obvious.
Now,
If I could get them to reign in their energy at practice, so I could teach them even more...instead of simply chasing them around and wiping sweat from my brow. :)

My favorite...

I trying to come down from being party central.
I am tired.
So tired.
I am editing party pictures right now...so until I get those posted....I thought I would just mention....
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I am sort of in love.

Pretty sure, at this point...there is NO better food combo, then the mix of FRESH mozzarella, beautiful cherry tomatoes, and sweet basil...drizzled with balsamic! Seriously.
Love.
Can't wait until summer...because when these are FRESH from the garden...
I will be simply weak in the knees!

Its Just What We Need To Do...

JUST SAYIN'

HAPPY DAY EVERYONE...

Rainbow Rangers

So...
I am co-coaching Maky's soccer team this season.
I was really intimidated...and quite frankly, didn't know if I could do it...but, we didn't have a coach.
So I stepped up to co-coach the team with another woman....she has to come late to practice due to work, and can't be at all of the games...but still, I am glad there are two of us for as much as possible, because...
They are difficult.
After practice, we literally come out sweating, because it takes an ARMY to wrangle 10 four year olds!
Seriously!
Games are awesome though.
They are SO MUCH FUN!
On game day, all of the sudden, it seems like they just know what they are doing. :)

We are the Rainbow Rangers, because...all of the boys wanted the power rangers, and a couple of the girls said the rainbows....so we just put them together.
Everyone was happy! :)
My little Rainbow Ranger is my favorite though. :)
Not that I am biased or anything.

She is a good little player.
She runs with that ball, like she has never done anything else.
She puts her arms back, in a rocket sort of a way, and dribbles the ball down.

She has great control of the ball for her little self.
She is going to be REALLY good, just like Ty.
She is so much fun to watch.
Actually, the whole team is fun to watch. :)

Here is my team....
Even though it is a challenge, I have really enjoyed it so far!
I miss working with kids from my teaching days.
This is reminiscent!

GO RAINBOW RANGERS!

A little vent...

So the debate season is over. Karman ended the season with 11 trophies this year and a couple of plaques. She lettered for a third year in a row, and lead the team to it's highest ranking in Glacier Peak history.
She did so well. It is what she is in high school.
I think there is a part of her that is starting to be sad that it is ending. She can feel it ending now.
Graduation is looming, and it is overwhelming.
I can remember that feeling, vividly.

So now, we are on to thinking about college, and she is FINALLY thinking about scholarships.
We have been trying to get her to start filling out scholarship applications for a while now...but we can't do it for her.
It is a hard balance for a parent. Trying to teach them responsibility; so choosing to give gentle reminders instead of forcing things...all the while knowing they are making a huge mistake by not listening to you.

That is how it has been with her since December.
A dancing party...with the fate of whether or not she was going to listen to us at all.
The problem is, we know what she is going to face.
She doesn't now, nor has she ever, lived that way. She does not look past today, and usually when she finally does, it is too late.

So she is starting to barely, BARELY tap into the huge world of scholarships that exsists. She has turned in three, and thinks she is a sure thing for them. I assure her she isn't. I am not trying to hurt her feelings by thinking she isn't good enough, but rather feed her some logic, reminding her that thousands applied for those same scholarships. That until she has the money in her hands, she can't assume she is a sure thing! To keep turning them in.

She moves at a pace that is so different then mine today, or even when I was her age. I truly believe that is her generation. There is very little drive.

It is such a frustrating part of parenting a teenager which we were slapped with in December when she ran away...
She doesn't want rules, or being told what to do, or having expectations...she wants to do what she wants, when she wants. She doesn't want us to get upset or frustrated with the choices that she makes, even when they are wrong. She just wants us to pay for everything, and take care of her, but have no opinions in the way anything is done. Or at least not tell her our opinions.
However,
When she came home...the agreement was...
You live in our house, it is by our rules. Period.
So there are still rules, we are just more leinient and accepting.
We try NOT to TELL her what to do, but to still offer suggestions and reminders as no matter how much I wish it weren't true, she is still mentally, NO WHERE near her actual age.
By parental default, we do today, and will always have expectations.
Goes with the territory.
She doesn't have to like them, or listen to them, or even live up to them...but we still have them regardless.
And without fail, we EXPECT our 18 year old to stop lying and sneaking around, and instead to act her age, and take responsiblitiy for her actions.

I apologize for this wordy, frustration filled post.
Sometimes it just gets to me and I need to vent. Sometimes it is hard and makes me sad to spend so much time being the "bad guy" simply because I want what is best...and know my daughter better then anyone, including herself.
I have been flooded with emotion lately.
The time-bomb kind...
A roller coster that, these days, has so many more up hills, then downs. It is hard, and it is all I can do sometimes, to just mentally stay afloat above it all and function fully, in the way that I need to on any given day.

Sometimes, I just need to vent.

Melting

Nothing really makes me feel more important...
more loved...
more honored...


Me.
I am simply a developing body walking around doing the very best that I can at any given moment.
Soaking in everything I can. Making mistakes, learning from them, and doing better the next time.
Meandering through my world...
My magical, peaceful, chaos...every minute unpredictable. Some so difficult...most however, are beauty wrapped in glitter.
I have a hundred things on my endless to do list, and I am almost always busy. Everything,
and I mean EVERYTHING...
Dulls in comparison,
To things like this....

A painting by my daughter.
She and I, are "watching a rainbow".
Truth be told,
She and I could do anything at all and in that moment, I would be hers forever.
I am hers forever.

60 miles in 3 days???

So when I first thought about doing this journey...I din't think I had it in me.

I mean, my heart was there! No doubt in that...but I mean, really.
60 miles.
In.3.Days????
It just seemed next to impossible.

Welcome to the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure:

But...
I couldn't get it off my mind. It woke me at night. It sat with me during the day.
I kid you not, when I would truly stop at certain moments...and think to myself....
"WHO AM I KIDDING....I am overweight and out of shape...and don't even get me started on the fund-raising...I don't think I can do this...."
A commercial would come on the radio and remind me...
That it is a choice.
That I CAN DO THIS!

I can help make a change.

It consumed me.
I obsessed in my self-doubt. That is what I do.
I second guess myself, and live in my shell of questioning.
Only to let time pass.
Then I regret.

At some point I needed to break free of my comfort zone.
I needed to become a part of something SO much bigger than myself.

My friend Cindy decided to sign up for this journey.
She inspired me.
She made me want to be better.

So here I am.
On January 31st, I signed up....and now...I want to do better...to be better!
My friend Erin just signed up as well.
It will be an amazing, life-changing journey.

Now on to FUNDRAISING!!!!
Please help me on this journey...
I will blog about it here and over at my 3-Day website.
Please visit me at ... www.the3day.org/goto/bizibean

I so look forward to this amazing experience...
The digging deep to change the introverted person I have become...
And seeing who evolves!

Just because...

Is it wrong that I dream about my poor, broken, camera...???
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I miss my camera.

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Just sayin.

My Helper

Makylie and I decided to make some Weight Watchers chocolate, butterscotch cookies for daddy, before he comes home tomorrow.
She pretty much made the entire recipe with very little help from me.

She absolutely LOVES to help me cook.
I think...she will probably be pretty good at it too.

She is just loaded with patience, and an enthusiasm for learning every aspect of everything that I can teach her at her age.
She wants to do everything....
Even the parts that are hard for her young dexterity.

She lost interest for most of the cookie roll out.....
Because, who really wants to put in the time if you still have to wait for them to bake. :)
She did come back at the end...and acted like she had done it all herself. :)

Notice the jammies??? We like to stay in our PJ's on Thursdays. She goes to schoool Monday through Wednesday...and then Thursday...after a long first half of the week, she still needs a nap to catch-up.
So....we have made them Pajama Day!
She loves it!

I really love to make the memories.
I hope I am passing down my love for cooking and baking.
But most of all....I just love my girly!
Anything I can do to make her smile...makes me happy.
Thank you for helping me!

This is what happens....

When the hubby goes on business trips...
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Kevin left this morning, for Florida.
I guess,

I get a little bored....
And apparently hungry to try new recipes...

He wasn't even gone two hours, when I made this lowfat granola.

Oh it was so good!

Really easy, and really natural and yummy!

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Then I decided to try my hand at granola bars.

Again VERY good...lowfat...and healthy!

I did forget to add the almonds...so they ended up being nut-free, which was a bummer...

But everyone loved them!

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Finally....I was craving a lemon muffin.

So I found a recipe for a healthy lemon muffin (made with greek yogurt),

Added some GIANT, gorgeous blueberries,

And then turned out RIDICULOUSLY yummy!

I added a little drizzle of a lemon glaze that I made...and they were perfect!

The kids just loved them, and they were actually quite healthy.

I finished off my first night, after the kids went to bed and without my husband, like this.

Homemade latte and lemon muffin.

Lonely....but not hungry! :)

YUM!

I cried a little

So here it is.
The last picture my LOVING, trusty, wonderful camera ever took.

I was outside. Taking pictures of my family playing in the snow...
Building our 8 foot snowman...

I had taken all of the pictures...and was finally setting up the camera on the tripod, so that I could take a family shot in front of him.

I was twisting the camera on....which is a pain with the strap in the way. So, it got a little twisted up, and I walked around to the front to un-twist it, oh you know, so nothing would happen....
And I stepped on a pile of icy snow, and slipped...falling straight down onto my knee and elbow.

In doing so.
I hit the camera.
And being on a tripod, it was headed DOWN.
I tried to grab it...but I just fell hard and fast.
So did the camera...right on the snowy concrete.
Hard.
It was on the tripod, so it had that leverage...that made it go that much faster.

I thought it just hurt the lens, which was fine with me...because it was just the kit lens, not what I normally shoot with...BUT
when I went to switch the lens, all of the glass from inside fell out onto the counter.
:( :(
Needless to say...
I am saving my pennies and on the lookout for a new camera.

It wasn't a great time...because I had been wanting to upgrade...but of course was going to sell this camera first. Now, I certainly don't have the money to get what I wanted..and will just have to get some thing close to this model again.

So...from here on...until I get a new one...the pictures you will see, are more then likely from our little point and shoot.
I apologize in advance.
:)

To another year...

Today....

I turned 34.

I am wondering how many more years I will be OK putting that number down in print... :)

I am just kidding.
I am a lucky lucky woman.

I float around in my world of privledge.

Privledged to be my kids' mommy.

Privledged to be my husbands wife.

Privledged to be a part of all of my friends lives.

Privledged to have all that I have.

Privledged to be able to give, what I have to give.

Privledged.

I am a lucky 34 year old, today!

One Brave Girl...

In October, Kevin and Ty took a little trip together.

Karman was at a preliminary debate tournament.

So Makylie and I had a girly Saturday.

It was so much fun!

We painted nails, and she picked a movie, and we made sundaes!

We pretty much did anything that she wanted to do.

That is exactly the kind of weekend I wanted to have!

So on Saturday....before her soccer game...we took a trip to the mall,

Look what we did while we were there...

Despite how it looks....she was SUPER excited! With a little scared mixed in...

She had her baby, and a stuffed animal in hand...

The lady asked her to stay still, and still that girl stayed.

The woman said she has never seen a four year old listen so well. She literally didn't move.
Then they marked her ears...

AND...

She looked like that!

They have the ability here, to do both ears at once...with two piercers.

So they do that for little ones...or anyone who requests it.

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She barely even flinched.

I expected tears.....lots of tears.

because as much as she has wanted her ears pierced for months.....

It.Still.Hurts!

But she is a brave little thing!

And she LOVES her Hello Kitty earrings!
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Then we went to her soccer game

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We ended the evening, watching Marmaduke and eating sundaes

Then painting nails, and reading books.

And starring, many many, many many times at ourselves in the mirror to see if our new earrings are just as pretty as we are sure they are!

For the record...

we spent the next day doing the same thing thing too.

"Mommy, can you take my picture...can you see my earrings?"

"Wait"

"I can't see them, take another please"

And, Little Girl,

I did it all for you!

Introspection...

I have been re-evaluating things lately.
More then I think anyone around me realizes.

I have been in kind of a "funk" and have been trying to figure out what is wrong, or what needs to be fixed in order to come out of it.
I still don't think I really know...but one thing is for sure today, as it has been for years...I am not happy with my body.
I worked so hard, for so long and did really well. I had great results.
THEN...I started losing very little if any and it got very self-defeating. So I slowly started moving back toward my old ways, my bad habits...and
it seems that now...those old habits, have become new again.

So I am getting back on the horse.
I am setting some new goals.
I am quite mad at myself, because now I have to RE-lose some of what I already lost..
but I am going to do it!




It is funny...with the few pounds that I have put back on...how different I feel. Mentally, and physically.
Before, I felt like I could take on the world...

Now I have lost confidence again, I feel like everyone is staring at me, and mentally, that I am starting from absolute scratch.
And, it is literally a few pounds.

Definately a big part of my "funk" that I know I am in.

Just summer....

Ahhhhh....summer.
It is a beautiful thing.

As much as I am actually NOT a fan of the heat...and not a sun lover (because it does contribute to my migraines)....when summer does finally hit the Seattle area, it really is nice.

There is a different feeling when the sun wakes you in the morning.
I have a bit more energy...I am happier...I am eager to get outside with the kids.

But seriously...
if there were NOTHING else...

Summer would thrill me for this reason alone....

HANDS DOWN.....
This says summer to me!

Just so you know....best cantaloupe EVER!

Some thoughts.

So....
I seem to have developed a bit of a love/hate relationship with blogging.

I love...and mean a lot...having a memoir, if you will. Having a physical journal to look back on. The idea of getting my years published and being able to look at them forever.
Having a place that my kids can see the funny things they said or did, and remember milestones....forever.

I also love, having an outlet.
Back in the day, I used to write. I used to write A LOT!
I have MANY journals from when I was young.
I was in every AP English class I could take.
I have notebook after notebook of poems that I created, or stories that I wrote.
Then I had kids.
Everything changed. It seemed as though I couldn't put two intellectual thoughts together anymore, let alone get it on paper for preservation purposes.
I quit writing. Almost completely.

Over time, I turned to scrapbooking...that became my outlet.
HOWEVER,
Over time, it also became too time consuming and exhausting, and it too, took a backseat to life.
As much as I want too, I still can't even figure out digital scrapbooking, so I was at a loss.

So, I came upon blogging because of a friend.
I love it!
I love the idea of it.
I love the reality of it.
I love to write. I love to contemplate. I love to compose thoughts into a working process.
Somedays, as a mom and a wife...I just feel so underappreciated, so undervalued...but doing this kind of makes me feel like I am contributing something into the adult world. It makes my mind "work", and forces me to have to churn the often, mumbles in my head into something a bit more pliable.

And again, I love having this "scrapbook".

However, a few months ago I started another blog. An outlet for my crafts, recipes and ideas which are the other half of the mess that is going on in my head.

Now starts the hate part.

It takes up so much time.
I don't even mean the physical time it takes...I think about it constantly.
Lately, I have been thinking that I really need to catch up on BOTH blogs...but then...I just don't.
It seems like I am not, on purpose. Like a rebelious teenager. It is daunting, and frustrating, and time consuming...so I just don't.

I kept thinking and saying, that come summer, with the lack of routine, I could catch up on everything in blogland.
I haven't.

I could give all of my excuses....
Sports and swim lessons.
My mom was in town, staying with us.
My sister and nephew were in town for two weeks staying with us.
We did a little "staycation".
We went camping.
My niece stayed with us.
etc...etc...

Yes, life has been trucking along around here....and instead of documenting any of it, with the MILLION pictures that I take...I have just watched the clock tick by, saying that I should.

I have seen a lot of talk about being present in the day and soaking every minute of the summer as the bonding time that it is meant to be. Spending days blissfully routineless, counting smiles instead of minutes....making memories instead of order. Taking in the saturation of innocent love that kids have to offer...Letting time be a part of lives instead of dictating our lives.
I agree.
Fully.
At this moment, now, today...My kids deserve to have me...in the present...doting on their every word.

I do however, get very sad...when I have done all of these super cute, and fun things with the kids, and our little trips, and my family's visits...and there is absolutely NO written memory of it. I want to preserve it because unfortunately...memories, that we think will always be as sharp as they are now, do fade...

I want to remember how I feel today...
Why things made me laugh...who the kids are...who I am...
I really don't know how I got so lucky, to get all that I have. I do the best that I can...I do the best that I know. And I sure have gotten smarter over the years! But in no way do I think I have it all together and figured out. Most days...I just try to put one foot in front of the other like everyone else. I know I am a good mom! I do my best to be a good wife. I just sometimes get caught in the feeling that I need to be more. I don't really know what that means....but it is how I sometimes feel.

So, for our family...I am going to be catching up. I will have to back pedal, but that is OK. I have to be OK with that. That is where I tend to end up where I am...I get too overwhelmed with all that needs to be done, so I end up doing NOTHING!
I am going to post about my sisters visit...and camping...and our "staycation"...and berry picking...and....
I will post currently, but in the post put the actual timeline.
I will try to do most all of this, at night, when my kids are in bed, so that I don't feel guilty.

I also have a lot to do on my other blog. I don't so much need to catch up as allow myself to move forward.
With missing so much time on that site, which I designed to get other people to read it...I kept feeling like I should go backward and fill in the dates...that is too overwhelming...
So, I will just move forward.

So there it is.
I am hoping for a love/love relationship again.

My goal is to order my first book in December for this year and last year....sooooooooooooo!!!!!!

Super duper sorry for the VERY wordy post!
Sweet hubby took the kiddos on a bike ride, and I am alone...and once I started...it just FLOODED!!!

TEN YEARS!!!

Ten years ago today, I married my best friend.
I don't say that lightly either.
I am a stronger person because of him.
We are stronger because of each other.

Last night...I sat, like I do so many nights, and starred at this man who made my life so amazing, while he slept. He didn't even know he was making my life better as we trucked along together...but over the years he has.

(He proposed to me in Stanley Park in Vancouver BC, 1999.)

(And this, is the peacock that chased us right afterward.)

Looking back, we were just kids. (no really, look at us). We are so different now. Our cores are the same of course...the things that made us fall in love...but we are so much stronger...so much better now. We have grown so much, matured so much.
(June 25, 2000)

Ten years seems like nothing now. I have noticed that as we have gotten older, the distance of time has changed. What used to seem like a lifetime, now feels like the blink of an eye. Seriously...

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So Kevin and I met in high school...doing drama. I fell for him, as it didn't take long for me to realize that he was reliable and trustworthy, smart and very hard working.

(This is us in 1995)

We started dating when I was just a junior.

We have been together now, for 16 years.

I am 33...so we have almost been together for as long as we weren't.

Yet it feels like it was all just yesterday! I mean it really does.

Our vows were 10 years ago...but it feels like it all just happened. And yet, at the same time, it feels as though we have been together forever. Does that make any sense???

I sometimes don't know, how we have gotten from point A to point B.

There have been so many obstacles...some that at the time, seemed so unsurmountable...but we persevered...we will always perseverve.

We went through the typical youthful relationship issues.

Not having enough money...trying so hard to make ends meet...

In the end, looking back...it made us better. All of it. It was hard, but it made us the people...the couple that we are today.

I know people say all of the time that their spouse is their best friend...

Mine truly is.

I honestly do not know what I would be without him.
I just adore him.

I love that we have come to the point where things are just not so serious anymore. There is an unspoken trust and bond.

I am proud we are married...that we communicate and touch, laugh and smile, disagree and work through those disagreements...that at the end of the day, I can still say he is my favorite person to talk to, to laugh with, to watch tv with...anything.

I know a lot of people who are not so fortunate.

He just gets me.

I get him.

He is my safe place.

Happy Tenth Babe...can't wait for the next!