Family Date Night..for Valentine's Day...

We had a beautiful family date night for Valentine's Day this year.
Funny how things change, isn't it?

Now our table is filled with pink milk, and red jello....
We sure do love our favorite people!

Red Raspberry Jello....

Pink Strawberry milk...

BEAUTIFUL Asparagus!!!

The absolute YUMMIEST Sweet potato oven fries you have ever tasted in your life!

Stir-fried mushrooms....

And of course, gorgeous T-Bones.

I LITERALLY NEVER buy T-Bones. It was a real treat!

I even made some herbed butter that I watched Rachel Ray make on this same day.
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And well...

Ummmm.

Fresh made ganache dipped strawberries...

And homeade fresh strawberry ice cream....

Happy Family.

I adore my family.

I really truly do....from the depths of my ever-loving soul!

They force me to appreciate....

Everyday!

With every fiber of my being!

Happy Valentine's Day my loves...

Saasy...

Oh....my sassy little girl.
What do I do with you?

You melt me like no other.

Look at you.

How could you not?

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You are a little fashionista...

The first thing you notice are shoes...ALWAYS

then nail polish or hair or earrings.

You are the first one to notice when something is different...when I change my nail polish...or wear high heels.

Or when I put on perfume...you say "what do you smell like?"

You are soft and angelic like that.

You are just such a girlie-girl. And yet, you kick-it in sports too!

Where did that come from???

I sit with you, and breathe you in as deep as I can....until you overwhelm my lungs with your amazingness!
You astound me.

Everyday.

And I love you!

Introspection...

I have been re-evaluating things lately.
More then I think anyone around me realizes.

I have been in kind of a "funk" and have been trying to figure out what is wrong, or what needs to be fixed in order to come out of it.
I still don't think I really know...but one thing is for sure today, as it has been for years...I am not happy with my body.
I worked so hard, for so long and did really well. I had great results.
THEN...I started losing very little if any and it got very self-defeating. So I slowly started moving back toward my old ways, my bad habits...and
it seems that now...those old habits, have become new again.

So I am getting back on the horse.
I am setting some new goals.
I am quite mad at myself, because now I have to RE-lose some of what I already lost..
but I am going to do it!




It is funny...with the few pounds that I have put back on...how different I feel. Mentally, and physically.
Before, I felt like I could take on the world...

Now I have lost confidence again, I feel like everyone is staring at me, and mentally, that I am starting from absolute scratch.
And, it is literally a few pounds.

Definately a big part of my "funk" that I know I am in.

Just summer....

Ahhhhh....summer.
It is a beautiful thing.

As much as I am actually NOT a fan of the heat...and not a sun lover (because it does contribute to my migraines)....when summer does finally hit the Seattle area, it really is nice.

There is a different feeling when the sun wakes you in the morning.
I have a bit more energy...I am happier...I am eager to get outside with the kids.

But seriously...
if there were NOTHING else...

Summer would thrill me for this reason alone....

HANDS DOWN.....
This says summer to me!

Just so you know....best cantaloupe EVER!

Some thoughts.

So....
I seem to have developed a bit of a love/hate relationship with blogging.

I love...and mean a lot...having a memoir, if you will. Having a physical journal to look back on. The idea of getting my years published and being able to look at them forever.
Having a place that my kids can see the funny things they said or did, and remember milestones....forever.

I also love, having an outlet.
Back in the day, I used to write. I used to write A LOT!
I have MANY journals from when I was young.
I was in every AP English class I could take.
I have notebook after notebook of poems that I created, or stories that I wrote.
Then I had kids.
Everything changed. It seemed as though I couldn't put two intellectual thoughts together anymore, let alone get it on paper for preservation purposes.
I quit writing. Almost completely.

Over time, I turned to scrapbooking...that became my outlet.
HOWEVER,
Over time, it also became too time consuming and exhausting, and it too, took a backseat to life.
As much as I want too, I still can't even figure out digital scrapbooking, so I was at a loss.

So, I came upon blogging because of a friend.
I love it!
I love the idea of it.
I love the reality of it.
I love to write. I love to contemplate. I love to compose thoughts into a working process.
Somedays, as a mom and a wife...I just feel so underappreciated, so undervalued...but doing this kind of makes me feel like I am contributing something into the adult world. It makes my mind "work", and forces me to have to churn the often, mumbles in my head into something a bit more pliable.

And again, I love having this "scrapbook".

However, a few months ago I started another blog. An outlet for my crafts, recipes and ideas which are the other half of the mess that is going on in my head.

Now starts the hate part.

It takes up so much time.
I don't even mean the physical time it takes...I think about it constantly.
Lately, I have been thinking that I really need to catch up on BOTH blogs...but then...I just don't.
It seems like I am not, on purpose. Like a rebelious teenager. It is daunting, and frustrating, and time consuming...so I just don't.

I kept thinking and saying, that come summer, with the lack of routine, I could catch up on everything in blogland.
I haven't.

I could give all of my excuses....
Sports and swim lessons.
My mom was in town, staying with us.
My sister and nephew were in town for two weeks staying with us.
We did a little "staycation".
We went camping.
My niece stayed with us.
etc...etc...

Yes, life has been trucking along around here....and instead of documenting any of it, with the MILLION pictures that I take...I have just watched the clock tick by, saying that I should.

I have seen a lot of talk about being present in the day and soaking every minute of the summer as the bonding time that it is meant to be. Spending days blissfully routineless, counting smiles instead of minutes....making memories instead of order. Taking in the saturation of innocent love that kids have to offer...Letting time be a part of lives instead of dictating our lives.
I agree.
Fully.
At this moment, now, today...My kids deserve to have me...in the present...doting on their every word.

I do however, get very sad...when I have done all of these super cute, and fun things with the kids, and our little trips, and my family's visits...and there is absolutely NO written memory of it. I want to preserve it because unfortunately...memories, that we think will always be as sharp as they are now, do fade...

I want to remember how I feel today...
Why things made me laugh...who the kids are...who I am...
I really don't know how I got so lucky, to get all that I have. I do the best that I can...I do the best that I know. And I sure have gotten smarter over the years! But in no way do I think I have it all together and figured out. Most days...I just try to put one foot in front of the other like everyone else. I know I am a good mom! I do my best to be a good wife. I just sometimes get caught in the feeling that I need to be more. I don't really know what that means....but it is how I sometimes feel.

So, for our family...I am going to be catching up. I will have to back pedal, but that is OK. I have to be OK with that. That is where I tend to end up where I am...I get too overwhelmed with all that needs to be done, so I end up doing NOTHING!
I am going to post about my sisters visit...and camping...and our "staycation"...and berry picking...and....
I will post currently, but in the post put the actual timeline.
I will try to do most all of this, at night, when my kids are in bed, so that I don't feel guilty.

I also have a lot to do on my other blog. I don't so much need to catch up as allow myself to move forward.
With missing so much time on that site, which I designed to get other people to read it...I kept feeling like I should go backward and fill in the dates...that is too overwhelming...
So, I will just move forward.

So there it is.
I am hoping for a love/love relationship again.

My goal is to order my first book in December for this year and last year....sooooooooooooo!!!!!!

Super duper sorry for the VERY wordy post!
Sweet hubby took the kiddos on a bike ride, and I am alone...and once I started...it just FLOODED!!!

Momma*

So...I have noticed over the last few days that I have, somewhere in the line of evolution, become a MOMMA.

I don't think I have heard Mommy in a while.

I think, I have officially become a momma, and I don't know how I feel about that.

For me, that there was never anything better then being called mommy. It was that kind of honor that I had been longing for, for so long...and when it is one of the first words out of your baby's mouth, and you have worked SO hard to hear them say it...it is the peak of that melting moment! That time when the whole world could stop and you wouldn't know it....
That is how it made me feel.

Because of the age that we got Karman, I didn't have it very long with her, before it switched over to mom...
Tyler calls me mommy when he wants something...like..."mommy, will get my lego bi-plane down"...

Makylie was the baby. She was so tiny for so long, and she had her speech issues, so I think I felt like she was going to stay that "baby" forever...but, like all things in the course of time...she has grown into a little girl...and suddenly, is calling me Momma.

It hit me this morning, when she said...."momma, it warm enough for short pants?"

Momma just doesn't have that same ring, I guess.
It is another badge of honor....
I just don't know if I am ready to not be a "mommy".

Idol...

In a sea of mediocrity last night....
Was THIS.....

I just L.O.V.E., love, loved...this performance!

Hoping for my Lee to win! I have loved him since his first audition.

He reminds me SO much of my brother Eric...it is insane!

I so wish I had a good picture to post a side by side. :)

Today...

I am Thankful....
*****
*****
For THIS...

For HER...

And HER...

and HIM...

For US

For Togetherness...

For MY DAD...

For OUR FRIENDS...

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For laughter...

For patience...

For honor and character...

For loyalty...

For love...

*****
*****
*****
*****
*****
*****
For ALL THAT WE HAVE...

TODAY......I am just thankful....

Monday

Today, Makylie is going in for surgery.

She was born with a small hernia in her tummy. It is a ventral hernia, which means that it is above the belly button. The doctors all thought that she would probably outgrow it, but it didn't happen, so they deemed it time to take care of it.
I guess, it is a relatively minor procedure...but not to us... :)

We have been trying to explain it to her in ways that she would understand. I think the hardest part for her, will be that she can not eat for basically the whole day, and she doesn't really understand why.

The day overall, I think, may be hardest on mommy....it is so hard, because she is so young, and just doesn't understand quite enough to really get it. I have told her that she can't eat...and I keep reminding her, saying, can you eat breakfast tomorrow? And she will say, no....but come morning...I know she will want to eat.

Anyway, I just wanted everyone to keep her in your thoughts for the day.

Just thoughts...

So, school has come to a close.

I am so happy to see how far Tyler has come this year!

I mean...he can do simple math, he can count to well over 100 (before school started, he could count to around 35), he learned all of his "sight-words" and has such an interest in reading. His knowledge and skills have evolved and he is now reading his early level books to us at night, and doing VERY well at it! He draws detailed, and elaborate pictures now and can write sentences by phonetic sound. He works and plays well with his peers and socially couldn't be happier! He loves his school, his class, his friends and his teacher!

I am SO happy that he developed a love of learning...that he had a good experience in Kindergarten so as to be excited and love the idea of coming back in the fall! It was such a wonderful year, and we had a great teacher and a great group of kids! I couldn't have asked for better!

Funny, it all comes full circle....if I think back...I was so afraid of him going to the big world of school...the world where I can't fully protect him from the people, the experiences, the change, the bullies and the germs. Where he will grow, far more then 10 months worth, in just 10 months.
The world where I, for the first time, had to let go.

What I learned is, in order for our kids to grow, and become who they are destined to become, we have to let them live...to grow, outside of our ever existent shadow. We can still guide and watch them with the goal of protection...but in the end, how they cope has to be up to them, or we are setting them up for failure.

They are all growing so fast, and I wish I could just freeze now, for a tiny while...just to enjoy all it has to offer. To breathe in the innocence, the unconditional love for life and everyone in it, the smiles and the multitude of belly laughs.
That is my reward today and everyday, and the only one I need.

I have happiness for how time turns us into ever-growing, ever-changing, pliable, moldable adaptive people...and also have sadness for how the world requires us to grow and change and adapt...
because sometimes....
I wish it would always be, just like it is today...