Its Just What We Need To Do...

JUST SAYIN'

HAPPY DAY EVERYONE...

A little vent...

So the debate season is over. Karman ended the season with 11 trophies this year and a couple of plaques. She lettered for a third year in a row, and lead the team to it's highest ranking in Glacier Peak history.
She did so well. It is what she is in high school.
I think there is a part of her that is starting to be sad that it is ending. She can feel it ending now.
Graduation is looming, and it is overwhelming.
I can remember that feeling, vividly.

So now, we are on to thinking about college, and she is FINALLY thinking about scholarships.
We have been trying to get her to start filling out scholarship applications for a while now...but we can't do it for her.
It is a hard balance for a parent. Trying to teach them responsibility; so choosing to give gentle reminders instead of forcing things...all the while knowing they are making a huge mistake by not listening to you.

That is how it has been with her since December.
A dancing party...with the fate of whether or not she was going to listen to us at all.
The problem is, we know what she is going to face.
She doesn't now, nor has she ever, lived that way. She does not look past today, and usually when she finally does, it is too late.

So she is starting to barely, BARELY tap into the huge world of scholarships that exsists. She has turned in three, and thinks she is a sure thing for them. I assure her she isn't. I am not trying to hurt her feelings by thinking she isn't good enough, but rather feed her some logic, reminding her that thousands applied for those same scholarships. That until she has the money in her hands, she can't assume she is a sure thing! To keep turning them in.

She moves at a pace that is so different then mine today, or even when I was her age. I truly believe that is her generation. There is very little drive.

It is such a frustrating part of parenting a teenager which we were slapped with in December when she ran away...
She doesn't want rules, or being told what to do, or having expectations...she wants to do what she wants, when she wants. She doesn't want us to get upset or frustrated with the choices that she makes, even when they are wrong. She just wants us to pay for everything, and take care of her, but have no opinions in the way anything is done. Or at least not tell her our opinions.
However,
When she came home...the agreement was...
You live in our house, it is by our rules. Period.
So there are still rules, we are just more leinient and accepting.
We try NOT to TELL her what to do, but to still offer suggestions and reminders as no matter how much I wish it weren't true, she is still mentally, NO WHERE near her actual age.
By parental default, we do today, and will always have expectations.
Goes with the territory.
She doesn't have to like them, or listen to them, or even live up to them...but we still have them regardless.
And without fail, we EXPECT our 18 year old to stop lying and sneaking around, and instead to act her age, and take responsiblitiy for her actions.

I apologize for this wordy, frustration filled post.
Sometimes it just gets to me and I need to vent. Sometimes it is hard and makes me sad to spend so much time being the "bad guy" simply because I want what is best...and know my daughter better then anyone, including herself.
I have been flooded with emotion lately.
The time-bomb kind...
A roller coster that, these days, has so many more up hills, then downs. It is hard, and it is all I can do sometimes, to just mentally stay afloat above it all and function fully, in the way that I need to on any given day.

Sometimes, I just need to vent.

Beyond...

Beautiful!

Supermoon, March 19, 2011
Biggest full moon since 1993.
It sure made me feel small in this great big world of ours!
Gorgeous!

Melting

Nothing really makes me feel more important...
more loved...
more honored...


Me.
I am simply a developing body walking around doing the very best that I can at any given moment.
Soaking in everything I can. Making mistakes, learning from them, and doing better the next time.
Meandering through my world...
My magical, peaceful, chaos...every minute unpredictable. Some so difficult...most however, are beauty wrapped in glitter.
I have a hundred things on my endless to do list, and I am almost always busy. Everything,
and I mean EVERYTHING...
Dulls in comparison,
To things like this....

A painting by my daughter.
She and I, are "watching a rainbow".
Truth be told,
She and I could do anything at all and in that moment, I would be hers forever.
I am hers forever.

60 miles in 3 days???

So when I first thought about doing this journey...I din't think I had it in me.

I mean, my heart was there! No doubt in that...but I mean, really.
60 miles.
In.3.Days????
It just seemed next to impossible.

Welcome to the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure:

But...
I couldn't get it off my mind. It woke me at night. It sat with me during the day.
I kid you not, when I would truly stop at certain moments...and think to myself....
"WHO AM I KIDDING....I am overweight and out of shape...and don't even get me started on the fund-raising...I don't think I can do this...."
A commercial would come on the radio and remind me...
That it is a choice.
That I CAN DO THIS!

I can help make a change.

It consumed me.
I obsessed in my self-doubt. That is what I do.
I second guess myself, and live in my shell of questioning.
Only to let time pass.
Then I regret.

At some point I needed to break free of my comfort zone.
I needed to become a part of something SO much bigger than myself.

My friend Cindy decided to sign up for this journey.
She inspired me.
She made me want to be better.

So here I am.
On January 31st, I signed up....and now...I want to do better...to be better!
My friend Erin just signed up as well.
It will be an amazing, life-changing journey.

Now on to FUNDRAISING!!!!
Please help me on this journey...
I will blog about it here and over at my 3-Day website.
Please visit me at ... www.the3day.org/goto/bizibean

I so look forward to this amazing experience...
The digging deep to change the introverted person I have become...
And seeing who evolves!

Just because...

Is it wrong that I dream about my poor, broken, camera...???
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I miss my camera.

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Just sayin.

I cried a little

So here it is.
The last picture my LOVING, trusty, wonderful camera ever took.

I was outside. Taking pictures of my family playing in the snow...
Building our 8 foot snowman...

I had taken all of the pictures...and was finally setting up the camera on the tripod, so that I could take a family shot in front of him.

I was twisting the camera on....which is a pain with the strap in the way. So, it got a little twisted up, and I walked around to the front to un-twist it, oh you know, so nothing would happen....
And I stepped on a pile of icy snow, and slipped...falling straight down onto my knee and elbow.

In doing so.
I hit the camera.
And being on a tripod, it was headed DOWN.
I tried to grab it...but I just fell hard and fast.
So did the camera...right on the snowy concrete.
Hard.
It was on the tripod, so it had that leverage...that made it go that much faster.

I thought it just hurt the lens, which was fine with me...because it was just the kit lens, not what I normally shoot with...BUT
when I went to switch the lens, all of the glass from inside fell out onto the counter.
:( :(
Needless to say...
I am saving my pennies and on the lookout for a new camera.

It wasn't a great time...because I had been wanting to upgrade...but of course was going to sell this camera first. Now, I certainly don't have the money to get what I wanted..and will just have to get some thing close to this model again.

So...from here on...until I get a new one...the pictures you will see, are more then likely from our little point and shoot.
I apologize in advance.
:)

Alright...for crying out loud...

So....Busy I was.
I actually got to the point where I was overwhelmed by the thought of starting the blog/s. I don't know why...it was just too much...

I have SOOOOOOOO many crafty thoughts in my head, things I want to do, to accomplish! I mean so many I am bursting...and I thought this would make me want to complete them...a goal and reason to do and complete them. I was excited, as I read, EVERYDAY, my favorite inspiring blogs...and I have SOOOOO many! I mean, I have a whole list that is not on my blogroll, just because I haven't taken the time to put them on.

Anyway, I am so inspired! Every single day by these many ladies, and I just wanted to be one of them....maybe be able to inspire someone else in the process.

With that...I cook 99.9 percent of days. Many, and I do mean, many of my meals are created in my head...and those that aren't are often FABULOUS recipes that I would love to share with the world. I have a couple of recipe blogs that I follow, and I am inspired by them as well.

That said...it was my goal to join the ranks.
Coupled with that was the inpiration of printing a blog book, brought on first by my friend Lisa, and second by my bloggy friend Sarie. I would love to print out all of my crafts and recipes at the end of the year! How satisfying that would be. Of course, with my family blog as well!

I got to the point of coming up with a creative name for my "baby"...and I just blocked. Everytime, and I mean EVERY SINGLE time I put one it it was already taken by someone who opened their blog in 2004, wrote on it once, and then never did again.
I got so frustrated.

Then...the kids got sick, ...I had a couple of projects to do for Ty's teacher...and, as usual...time got away from me. I cook daily (as usual)...but between this, that, and the other, I haven't had any time to do any projects.

What I did decide...is that I am going to start ONE blog. On it, I will put up good recipes and my projects or inspiration. The plan was to do two...but I will end up not being able to keep at this point in my life.

Right now...I am planning a birthday party for a certain little girl who is going to be 4! Can't wait!

SOOOOO sorry for the LOOOOOONG post that was very "rambly" as I look back....but I just needed to rant a little, in order to organize my own thoughts....

The name has been decided...now I just need to design the blog. :)
Thanks for listening...